What I Love

I love things that make sense of the messy world. Straight lines, clean edges, a box tied up tight with string. I love how a perfectly symmetrical sphere rests its cool weight in the warm palm of my hand. I love evenly tesselated pictures, geometric patterns that repeat their perfect predictability off the page and into unknown space. I love long complicated mathematical proofs that fill up pages of grid paper and emerge with an equation of pure simplicity.

I love rows and columns, lined up in order and never exceeding their borders. I love the tiny kernels of golden corn on the cob, arranged in perfection vertically and horizontally, each tiny cube pregnant with flavor. Anything arranged in boxes and borders with reasoning and logic is a relief to me.

That may be why I love knitting. I love the neat, even stitches created by two dull knitting needles as they click against each other in a predictable rhythm. It's expected and yet always a surprise when a new row emerges with color and structure in perfect accordance with what I had in mind. It is motion with purpose, motion that has an effect on the world. And it never needs be repeated -- it's not like doing the dishes, or changing the baby's diaper, or paying a bill, or watching tv, or listening to the radio. What's created has been created, and there is no arguing with reality resting in your hands.

Considering

Lately I've been completely tuned out, turned off. I'm like an electronic device that nobody has bothered to charge for weeks. Or just hasn't bothered actually powering up. The first sign of this was the overall lack of knitting. As is often the case, I was the last to notice. Other people noticed. My students commented first: Johanna, what happened to those socks you were knitting? Johanna, have you finished the xxxx project yet? Johanna, why don't you ever KNIT anymore? My co-teacher noticed. And of course, my faithful blog readers noticed the lack of progress in my knitting goals. Didn't you?...... (cue the crickets)....

There were other signs too, of course. It's not just the knitting. But it's an interesting question to pose to the universe: why is it that we stop doing things we love sometimes? Readers will go for a period of months without reading anything. Writers (and this is true of me in particular as a writer) will go a year without writing much worthwhile, and then suddenly come back to it with a vengeance. And knitting, while it is pure medicine for my soul, has suffered the same odd fate in my life too. Where does our joy in things go when it goes missing?

So last Thursday I decided to take action. I was at Webs and just decided to buy the yarn for a very cool blanket that my friend was knitting. It was almost completely funded by gift certificates from my birthday, so it was guiltfree. It's a neat blanket. You make a striped hexagon out of a few parallelograms, then sew the hexes together for a neat optical illusion effect. It's called the Illusion Cube Blanket. I've linked to the pattern, and will post pictures soon. I have finished 5 hexagons, and it's really fun. I hope it's enough to rekindle some joy in yarn and the work of the hands.

Oh Beautiful

For spacious skies, for amber waves of grain...


Come on. Look at the socks. Look at them. And pretend you don't suddenly feel the need to break out into absurdly patriotic song.

That's right. Give in to it. Just make sure it's not "Oh, Canada." I started these during the Olympics and would like to say that I did not do so with the purpose of making patriotic socks. These are NOT for me. I am not sure I want to advertise my attitude towards my nation right now. I also question many of the attitudes that have surrounded patriotism and love for your country in the last ten years. It's all gotten very wrapped up in politics and anti-terrorism, and American flags popped up and sold like hotcakes after 9/11. Genuine American patriotism? Perhaps. Timed to show that being an American means support of violence towards others as part of the process of revenge? Definitely.

I don't know. No, what I do know is that MA loves red, white, and blue. He'll love these, and that's really all that matters. I've been working on these for quite some time -- look at my last post and you'll see what I've been distracted by. My students made amazing embroidery squares, that I also feel the need to share here.













That was just the beginning. The finished pillows have been auctioned off to families of kids in the class. I cannot believe I let them escape without pictures. They sat in a trash bag for a few days while I struggled with other projects before I could sew up the stuffing hole. I didn't leave myself enough time.


Many an adult said: "Oh, so-and-so may be able to embroider, but that other kid? No way." and "that student just doesn't have the attention span for embroidery." Many adults even said such things about their own kids -- oh, my child? Never in a hundred years. But guess what? Guess what? (I am now shouting triumphantly.) They did it. (Ok, that was a smug yet quiet tone. End of shouting.) And they did it with such pride, and such care, that you would have thought they were a young Japanese girl embroidering her own wedding kimono onto silk or satin. Many times they sat around the low table with their embroidery gossiping just like a group of 19th century Bronte sister heroines. But I learned something. Not only did I learn several stitches to teach them (ah, who cares about all that...it's in books, after all). I learned that my students can be gentle, and patient, and attentive to detail and beauty at every turn. They can also be maniacs and loud and obnoxious and frustrating. Welcome to the 9-12 child, Johanna. Did I mention that I love teaching these kids?

A Long Unawaited Post

Well! Good thing I don't have faithful readers to disappoint or anything. I've not been posting for almost two months, but luckily, the earth hasn't been thrown off of its axis or anything. Keeps things in perspective, I'd say.

What I've been up to:
--teaching 4th, 5th, and 6th graders
--parenting a couple kids
--trying to take care of my household as a single parent

-- and knitting/sewing!

Pictures of what's been accomplished: The socks for SA! When I gave them to her, I gave her specific washing instructions, and according to the grapevine, she's been very concerned about wearing them only at special times. That'll wear off in time, I hope. I personally think that handknit socks should be worn EVERY DAY.

Speaking of which, today both kids had on handknit socks. GF was wearing some new ones that I knit for her just recently, and DL had on some quite old ones that are too small for him. He said, "Look! We both have Mommy made socks on!" I was so happy. Here's the ones that GF was wearing.


I knit them up in just a few days. Pink and light teal blue? Yeah, those colors scream Georgia all the way.








Onward -- I did some cross stitch for a Christmas gift (no picture, as it IS a gift that I haven't given yet). And then....one of my lovely fifth-graders, Victoria, left for Africa. For ten months, no less. Yes, that's right. She's 11 and going to Africa for longer than all of my vacations put together so far in my whole damn life. I'm not entirely jealous. Part of me is quite happy for her. And we will ALL miss her...she's such an important part of the class. As a goodbye gift, we all helped to sew her a little creature, which is half falcon and half flying pig (in my class this is called an Ub). The Ub has a short and complex history. It was created in the fall as a brainchild by one of our highly intelligent sixth years. The Ub is mostly pig but does have the capacity to fly. When our class chose names for the two groups that go to Art at different times, they chose the Unexpected Ubs and the Fierce Falcons. So the sewn creature is half and half. And the eccentricity of the creature, which is probably making you giggle, is exactly what we wanted to come across. Our class is eccentric, and creative, and crazy, and giggly, and interested in the world around us. And I adore them for all of those reasons.
Also.....I've knit some socks for a new baby to enter my life -- my friend's little redheaded wonder. I've only hung out with him twice but can reliably say that he is gorgeous and perfect and well-behaved and a wonderful little addition to this world.


If there were a penny next to these you'd realize how tiny they are. I cast on for them when my friend went into labor -- over 4 weeks early. I was under the impression at that point that I was knitting for a preemie. Little did I know that he was coming out at over seven pounds!! And long, long feet. I have to pull out the toes and redo them. No big deal. I also have some booties in the works that I'm afraid that I'm running out of yarn for. He's so fun to knit for.


Also, I finished the quite large socks for a friend of mine that I work with. They are beautiful. They did not fit my foot when I finished them, which bummed me out, but she IS a size 10, and so I held on to a bit of faith that they might fit. And they did!! She commented on how perfect they were. Can't ask for better than that.


The yarn was very nice....Araucania makes it; it was some sort of sock yarn by them that is not too soft but not scratchy either. On sale at Webs!!

I also finished GF's purple sweater that's been in the works for awhile. How can I say this without crying about it? Not sure...but the truth is, she won't wear it. Lovely little child, that one.














In the past month I have also become MUCH more familiar with the ins and outs of embroidery and sewing machines than ever before. Or, as my mom would probably be quick to point out, I used a sewing machine for the first time. My students all embroidered these beautiful squares with African-inspired geometric patterns and I sewed them together (yes, with some guidance from the quilting store and from my mom) into even more beautiful pillows. Next step: quilting.

Next pair of student socks in the works is for MA, who is a complex character in the class who I have a lot to say about. More on him (and a work-in-progress photo that will make you want to sing the national anthem) next time.

Unexpected Things

Life is a sequence of surprises punctuated by our reactions to them. Here is the recent sequence of unexpected events happening here.

First, I brought in the socks for FJ on Friday. I tied them with some other yarn in our classroom yarn basket and put it into his hanging file folder, where we return graded work to the students. I announced at our morning meeting what my plan was (to knit gifts for each of them) and that the sixth years would be getting socks. Some excitement, some questions. Neither unexpected. Then I explained that I had chosen a sixth year student randomly and had knit the first pair for him -- FJ. More surprise. The unexpected part? There were no hard feelings, jealousy, or difficulties that arose from this. The students were excited and when I explained that I wanted the gifts to go to use as soon as they were completed, they were nodding. I was surprised at their maturity. I thought about my own ten-year old son and whether he would be as mature about it.

New socks for SA have been started and I'm about to hit the heel. I want to finish by Friday or Saturday. SA is a sixth year student who is quiet and seems to be fairly low key, unless you hit upon a topic she loves: namely, rabbits. One day, while the class was walking to a park in town for a field trip, she and I talked at length about our rabbits. She also loves pink. Her moms have brought her up in the way that I secretly wish I'd brought up my own kids -- no sugar, no processed foods. When kids talk about candy or processed/artificial foods, she honestly has no idea what they even are sometimes. I realize that there are minuses to being raised like this, certainly. But when I come home to a boy who refuses to eat homemade pizza but will wolf down the frozen version, I don't much care about the minuses. I bet SA never screamed her way out of her chair and up into her bedroom after dinner because she demanded candy and her mother said no. Not that my lovely daughter has ever done such a thing. So, the unexpected part of SA's socks? I kind of like them. I thought I wouldn't. I, after all, don't love pink. But these are quite nice together, although I'm not sure about the stripes.

Friday's other unexpected event was a little disappointing. FJ and a friend of his from the class got into a fight in our afterschool program. Not a disagreement, but a fistfight-rolling-on-the-ground type of fight. The kind I expected to see pretty regularly in my last teaching job -- in urban Springfield -- but not so much here. Even though I know there are several factors at play -- including some typical adolescent stuff -- it was still unexpected. From the point of view of his teacher, I was disappointed in him since he is supposed to be one of the role models for our class and is certainly a role model for his younger siblings in the school. As someone who had just knit him socks -- which he was WEARING at the time of the fight -- I wanted to take them off, shake them at him, and say: "THESE ARE PEACEFUL SOCKS!! YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO FIGHT PEOPLE IN THESE SOCKS!!" I didn't. But I wanted to.

In Which We Find Success and a Trophy to Boot

Success!! The pair of socks for FJ -- the first of the randomly chosen sixth year students -- is finished. Kids have been asking, and asking, and asking since last Monday (when I started them) who the socks are for. I've made it a secret. Theories abound. FJ thinks they are for him, amusingly enough. Yet if you knew him you'd understand that he'll think the next pair is for him, too....and the pair after that, and the pair after that.... A few students think they are for my co-teacher. Tomorrow I think I'll tell them.

Reasons why these are perfect for FJ:
1. He likes these colors.
2. He ended up being the first one to receive socks, and this is the sort of thing that will please him.
3. They are perfectly symmetrical, since they were knit both simultaneously on the same needle, and therefore are exactly the same. (Although there is a half row's difference between the two right before the gusset, but if you don't tell, I won't.) FJ is very particular about exactitude and perfection. He will enjoy that aspect.
4. They are big! They would fit me. And he is a large sixth year.
5. I see him when I look at them. It's a function of knitting something for someone, regardless of whether you spend a few hours or a year knitting it. I start to see that person when I look at that pattern and those colors.

Look at the color pooling on these socks. The one on the left shows it perfectly -- it has a blotchy, lie-detector-test-showing-you're-lying type feel to it.


Tonight I went to see the Red Sox World Series trophies and to get a voucher to buy two tickets before they go on sale. I'm not sure if I will actually end up buying them or not, because I just don't have the money for it. But at least the option is there now. We got a picture taken of us with the trophies: my son, my daughter, my soon to be be ex-husband -- henceforth to be known as simply Matt, my niece Jocelyn, and me. The picture is very little indication of what had just happened: over an hour of "I'm so BOOORRREED!!!" and "Mommy, I wanna CUDDLE you." and "Will you get off that vibrating chair?" and "Put your boots back on!" and "Sweetie, the Green Monster is not going to hurt you." and "Can I buy two?" and "Should we just leave?". The picture is also no indication of what was to come: Pizzeria Uno, where I paid for a dinner that I could not afford while one child whined because I wouldn't allow him to try anchovies on half of his pizza. I outright overruled that decision -- hell, I have veto power as mom, as someone who has to smell and pay for the anchovies. While he whined about that and tried to pop his blue balloon all twisted up as a dog with floppy ears, my other child kept hitting her college-age cousin with her pink princess-wand balloon. "I was just petting her hair with the balloon!" "I'll never get to try anchovies!" Seriously. I just sat there and coughed. My niece made lots of jokes about swine flu. I coughed more.

Already cast on for the next ones, for SA. She is also a sixth year. This will be a much different pair--for a much different person. I am having fun this year teaching 11 and 12 year olds! You can start to see the people they are becoming and the ways they will touch the world. There will be less pooling in this pair....I'll show you why tomorrow.

In Which I Fall Behind (and Justify it)

Last weekend was slated to be a lovely, relaxing weekend. It wasn't un-relaxing, per se, but my daughter (henceforth GF) got sick with a nasty cough and a fever. She spent Martin Luther King Day telling me that if I didn't do exactly what she wanted then I was not a peacemaker. Behold the power of Montessori. Last week she told her dad that because the football players wouldn't let girls play, they weren't peacemakers. That's my girl.

GF sleeps in my bed regularly, and between that and the sweet cuddles in which she climbs into my arms and sucks her thumb with her mouth open and breathing her hot little germy breath all over my face and hands, well.....I may be a teacher, with a strong immune system, but it's not THAT strong. I am now sick.

Not to mention grumpy. It's funny how problems in your life come out in everything you do -- have you ever heard someone type angrily? Or sadly? I'm listening to it right now. Have you ever seen someone knit while angry, or upset? You can tell the difference when you look at the finished product. It just takes trained eyes. Perhaps knitting is the way to work through those tough emotions and let them come out in a tightened mess of slipped stitches and varying tensions.

Since I was sick, I took today off of work and will spend my evening finishing FJ's socks, which are turning out very nice. I really do love the yarn. My son (henceforth DL) promised to do some yarn balling for me tomorrow night, so I will have him ball the yarn for the next socks, which will belong to SA. I know -- it's Wednesday. I'm supposed to have finished FJ's socks on Sunday, and started the next ones and be finishing their cuff by now. As my dad says in cribbage: "I ain't worried."

I'm signing off my grumpy sick self now. Off to switch yarn colors and knit the black toes to these socks. I do promise a finished picture 0f these socks either tomorrow or Friday. And then I'll be able to blog about the reaction of FJ when he gets them!!